if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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