6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
