So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize