I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
