I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
