Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
