burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
