You're my little dorito
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
