Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Best friends brother. Beat that.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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