Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
