Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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