There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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