My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
