Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
