So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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