I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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