two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
