You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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