that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
