I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
How does one acquire holy water?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
