I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
