I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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