Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
