There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
