it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
