I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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