He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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