Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
