hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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