Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
