Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
