Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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