Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
