i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Is it because I queefed?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
A+ Viking dick
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
