Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
True strength comes from lack of pants
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