you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We don't watch enough power rangers
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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