Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
