I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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