I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize