I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
