nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
