my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I love having hate sex.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
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I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The air taste purple.
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