this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
