and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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