I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
