suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
