The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
