i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
