who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
