also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
