Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
