i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
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I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
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Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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