I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
