I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
