No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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