Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
