I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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