I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
