I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
