Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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