Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
