Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
