she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
