And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
be right there i have to get my cape
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
