I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
