Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
