Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
