I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize