forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
