My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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