Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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