five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
