Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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