the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize