My room smells like vodka and shame
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
