so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
