He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
