It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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