I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
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The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
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MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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