maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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