you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
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